Goodbye Old Friend

I awoke at 5am this morning in preparation for the six-hour drive in my truck to pick-up my new motorcycle…well, a used one, actually.  A 2007 Ducati Monster 695.  I had searched online all summer for the right make, model, year, and mileage.  One I had “on the hook” was sold from under me last week, but this one…black and red, and pristine was on hold for me in upstate New York!  My precious.  I had cash-in-hand, the blessing of my wife, and a window of time to make the trek. Minutes before I was set to leave, I could not.

Life seems to come full circle.  Motorcycles were, after all, an in trickle part of my upbringing.  I mean, heck, I grew up in Laconia, New Hampshire…home of the oldest motorcycle rally in the world!  As a teenager I rode a street bike to school.  A Kawasaki Ninja 600, also black and red.  At one point or other most of my friends rode bikes. Call it status, call it culture, riding was just what we did.

‘I need an outlet,’ I said to my wife Kelly as she held our eleven-month-old daughter.  ‘I need to aim stress away from my home, to be in the moment, to be balanced, to feel revived,’ Yes, riding meets the criteria of those things. 

Am I selfishly placing my needs before my family's? Am I a petulant child, wanting a toy?  Am I worthy of such a luxury?  Will this really fulfill my need for an outlet?

I left the decision to buy the bike to Kelly.  She spent time processing the pros and cons (and costs) of welcoming a motorcycle into our family.  Kelly has no experience with the culture of motorcycling aside from what I had shared with her, and her visit this summer to Laconia Bike Week.  She recognized the value I had for riding and gave me her blessing to buy it!  Now it is my call…all clear! An easy decision for me, right?

Turns out not an easy decision at all!  We accept the inherent risks of riding.  I know my responsibilities of family, especially to my daughter Annie.  The bike is a luxury, particularly an exotic Italian one like a Ducati which, turns out, is very expensive to maintain.  The costs were an issue, but not prohibitive, not holding me back.

The decision to purchase the bike today hinged upon answering a question objectively:

Why do I feel that I need such an outlet at this point in my life!? 

The “reasonable” outlet of riding had quickly become living-out a fantasy.  The pursuit became too surface.  I had given-in to the seductive impulse of redefining myself with black leather, tinted shades, and decadent, “Ducati Red.” 

After taking a hard look, it seems I have lost my way.  When I put the “outlet” of a Ducati motorcycle in relationship to our beautiful art studio I began to have clarity.  It seems I am escaping from the fact that art has become detached from my roles as husband, father and teacher.  Buying a fantasy was way easier than the complexity of working toward weaving art (and our studio) back into the fabric of family.

There is nothing wrong with black leathers, a sexy motorcycle or the culture of riding!  I painfully must confess that the fantasy of riding was avoidance all along.  A distraction, not an outlet!  The way I need to aim stress away from my home, to be in the moment, to be balanced, to feel revived, is by art-making!

I will reconsider returning to motorcycling only when my priorities are back where they belong.  I am fortunate this lesson did not turn out to be an expensive one!

Thoughts from a Recovering Traditionalist:

Interesting how processes that were once staples of mainstream visual arts are now referred to as "romantic." Lithography and etching lost their respective roles in mass printing. Traditional photography is a wonderful art medium but is no longer practical for photo journalism.

A painter could make a fantastic living applying his craft to the field of illustration. Not many instructors teach traditional oil painting to up-and-coming illustrators. With Photoshop, Illustrator, Adobe Painter, 3D modeling programs, why would they? After all, clients request jpegs and tiffs and pdfs, not oil on Belgian linen.

Digital is more than a buzz word. I used to brush off the computer as merely a tool, like a pencil. I would say, "it takes a decade to learn to draw well and a few short months to get a good handle on a computer program like Photoshop." Like it or not, the word digital represents the era we artists live. The computer is vital to all aspects of visual communication.

I am growing as an artist working in a traditional medium because of the computer, discovering new ways of using technology to give greater voice to my work. I choose to use technology to enhance my ability to paint, not to replace it.

Seeing Family Off to War

We said a tearful goodbye to Kelly's brother Mark at the airport today. Mark is an Army Officer leaving for his second tour of duty in the Middle East. Kelly and I have both retired and active members of the military in our families.

I thought about my grandfather, Vincenzo DeCesare. I created this painting from an old photo taken of him when he served in WWI. The photo and the painting convey a raw, sober emotion. I often wonder what that reality was for him as a teenage boy going to war. I know little of his experiences as a soldier. I was told that as an Italian immigrant, my grandfather took great pride serving as an American soldier. (I am not so sure he felt that pride at the moment the photo as taken.)

We weep for our loved ones as we see them off to war, but beam with pride for their service and sacrifice. The soldiers in my family are not politicians and they especially are not victims of some corrupt government as too often conveyed in the media. They are our heroes, serving their country dutifully.

A woman approached Mark moments before his departing flight and simply said, "thank you for your service to our country," and then continued on her way... so fitting.

Godspeed, Mark.